I think I'm generally doing ok. I'm functioning and getting everyone dressed and fed. I'm riding a boat on my emotional sea....sometimes just enjoying the peace and the beauty and clarity of the sea and then sometimes riding up and down on the big waves. Night and morning are the hardest times for me emotionally....night has always been my meltdown time and now I think morning is when reality hits the hardest. I always feel like someone literally has a tight grip on my heart - it's being squeezed all day long. I wonder what it is that makes us feel that physical discomfort in the chest.
I feel so blessed to not have to deal with the "Why??" and "It's not fair!" feelings. I have complete faith in my Father in Heaven's plan for us. He knows what we need. The pain I feel is just the absence of my baby's physical presence. That's it. I know we will see her again. I know she's safe and happy.....but I REALLY miss her! Never have I been more grateful for the plan of salvation and the knowledge we have of the pre-existence and the afterlife. Oh SO grateful.
I shared this thought with a lot of friends already, but the image that keeps coming to my mind is the pioneers circling the wagons at night for safety and security. This is our "night" and our family and friends and even people we don't know well or at all have circled their wagons tightly around us, and we have felt prayers and love from all around the circle. Thank you to all of you. I'm not sure I'd still be standing if it weren't/wasn't? :) for the incredible support we've had. I hope I can be that support for other people in the future.
